


The lost dreams (Are buried in my sleep for him)

by Coraleeveritas



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Post ADWD, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:26:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coraleeveritas/pseuds/Coraleeveritas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brienne contemplates love. And death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The lost dreams (Are buried in my sleep for him)

**Author's Note:**

> So let's mark this down as something I shouldn't be writing when I have High Garden to finish, but it didn't really take that long.
> 
> Based on the lyrics of My Blood by Ellie Goulding (see notes at the end)
> 
> A little angsty, a little hopeful. 
> 
> Thanks to RoseHeart for beta-ing!
> 
> Nothing belongs to me, more than usual, characters are all GRRM. Some lines direct from the song.

Brienne knew she was capable of love. After all, beneath layers of armour and scars beat the heart of a maiden who once dreamt the feeling would be returned.

She could remember how her heart raced during her first and last dance with Renly, felt how it had broken as he took his last breaths in her arms, how it betrayed her again as the truth was pulled out with mocking words.

But those feelings, for him at least, were all but gone. The face she thought would never be forgotten slowly being replaced in her dreams. 

Gold for black, green for blue, rough for smooth.

A Kingslayer for a King.

Brienne didn't know when it had occurred, but somewhere on the journey to locate Sansa Stark the switch had taken place. There had been roots beforehand, she could see that now she was leading him to his death, every step of the knightly quest proof of honour, trust, respect and the slow growth of love.

Though the painful relief that ran through her blood at seeing him again only screamed for her to spill half a hundred truths. Lady Stoneheart, Biter and Pod battled against her ability to form the words that would pull Jaime away from his duty and honour.

Jaime should have known she was lying, should have laughed, mocked, fought, but instead he mounted his horse and followed her into the unknown. Brienne's thoughts were noisy companions as they rode on, a silent weaponless battle that produced no victor.

Even as she slept, trying to preserve their strength in case retrieving the Stark girl required a fight, her dreams were only of home and blood. So much blood. Golden sands darkened under the life pouring through her fingers, sapphire waters clouding as a part of her attempted to swim towards what was sailing away.

Jaime looked back, his eyes as bright as twin suns in the sky, concern fading to distaste as he threw Oathkeeper into the swirling waters. She had failed him as she had failed so many before, her oaths little more than chains binding her hands together. 

Brienne tried to call out but found her throat constricted, the harsh bite of rope once again preventing her explanations from being heard. She found enough breath to scream out one word, a word that would never make things right but in it there was something that pulled her back from the edge.

_Jaime _.__

__The pressure of his left hand on her shoulder brought her to consciousness, the confusion in his eyes pulling out shuddering gasps that wrecked her broken body as if she needed to learn how to breath again._ _

__Brienne knew she wasn't dying, not yet, but she could still feel the heat of blood leaving her veins. The times when it had run from her neck, her face, still fresh in her memory. She had given the Stranger so many opportunities to claim her as his own and each time she had been found wanting._ _

__"You're a terrible liar", Jaime muttered, removing his hand in favour of forcing it under her chin. "Where are you taking me?"_ _

__She had convinced herself to return him to Lady Stoneheart, if only in exchange for the innocent boy who had been left behind, but the dream produced by the last blush of fever wasn't going to let that happen quietly._ _

__The Gods only knew how Brienne managed to find the words but they came anyway, flowing like too much spilled blood, helping to heal the pain prickling beneath her skin._ _

__"Seven hells", Jaime cursed as she fell into an uneasy silence, his fingers ghosting over skin half covered by bandages. The touch was as practiced as a Maester's, firm but gentle, and Brienne pretended the surprised shiver it produced was because of the cold._ _

__She would soon forget the bitter ecstasy of unrequited love, bury her dreams away like before and face whatever the new day had to offer as the last knight of summer._ _

__"What exactly are you waiting for wench?" The bittersweet question was a verbal slash of his sword, a blow knocking her to the ground as he refused to remove his hand from her face. "The Brotherhood will be expecting a fight to the death so why haven't you taken my head already?"_ _

__"Jaime ..." She couldn't bring herself to see the disappointment in his eyes and dropped her gaze to the floor. "You did not break this oath ... it is not for me to judge ... Lady Catelyn ..."_ _

__"Is dead Brienne. Whatever this creature told you it isn't Catelyn Stark. You're a stubborn beast of a woman but you're not that naive."_ _

__A blush rose to her cheeks, freckled and ruined alike, his continued defiance forcing her to meet his stare. "I wanted ..."_ _

__"You wanted what?" Jaime interrupted her half confession with a mocking smile, "Witnesses?"_ _

__She knocked his hand away, her blood now boiling from his easy quips, and her need to make him understand replaced the familiarity of kissing blades with a kiss of a different kind. Her lips barely grazed his before Brienne pulled back, the surprised noise coming from Jaime causing her to break contact._ _

__"I'm ..." Her apology was lost in the air as Jaime's mouth found hers. It was clumsy, painful even and there wasn't much more than anger and need fuelling it. But despite everything, all the days on the road, all the pain and torture, all the lost dreams, this was real._ _

__He deepened the kiss, his knowledge betraying her inexperience, the whispering of 'Kingslayer's whore' rising to an accusatory chorus in her head. It was too much, causing her heart to pound, becoming too close to things she shouldn't be feeling._ _

__Brienne drowned in the greenest ocean she'd ever seen as he opened his eyes, his hand still tightly clutched in her hair, reading the reflected emotions like words on parchment._ _

__Together, she thought, if the Stranger was indeed coming they would face him together._ _

**Author's Note:**

> That feeling that doesn't go away just did  
> And I walked a thousand miles to prove it  
> And I'm caught in the crossfire of my own thoughts  
> The color of my blood is all I see on the rocks  
> As you sail from me
> 
> Alarms will ring for eternity  
> The waves will break every chain on me  
> My bones will bleach  
> My flesh will flee  
> So help my lifeless frame to breathe
> 
> And God knows I'm not dying but I bleed now  
> And God knows it's the only way to heal now  
> With all the blood I lost with you  
> It drowns the love I thought I knew
> 
> The lost dreams are buried in my sleep for him  
> And this was the ecstasy of a love forgotten  
> And I'm thrown in the gunfire of empty bullets  
> And my blood is all I see  
> As you steal my soul from me
> 
> Alarms will ring for eternity  
> The waves will break every chain on me
> 
> And God knows I'm not dying but I bleed now  
> And God knows it's the only way to heal now  
> With all the blood I lost with you  
> It drowns the love I thought I knew
> 
> Ellie Goulding - My Blood


End file.
